Relax! Stop fuckin’ thinking so much! Its not that hard.

I have an idea about AA for guys that have been at this for a while and still have a problem with it.

Two things I noticed..

I’ve noticed that even the guys that have the most trouble with opening, will occasionally get it right. Only problem it almost seems accidental to them because they can’t seem to recognize how easy it was. But theres one thing that’s obvious to those that are opening machines… the fear is only momentary, because once you’re engaged, the fear totally disappears. And that’s exactly why it’s so ellusive to those with bad AA.

But it’s simply like getting a shot in your arm, its over before you know it and the fear is largely imagined. Having a predefined opener or not has no impact on this. But getting into a talkative, playful state, does. You just got to get engaged.

And, getting introduced by your friend takes the pressure off, so to speak, but keep in mind that technically… you ARE opening. Why is that any easier than just saying hello to someone standing across the room? The answer is it’s all imagined bullshit. There is none.

The second thing I noticed, and this is where I think having a canned opener can actually inhibit progress towards removing AA, is on what happens just before approaching. We all know it, the more you wait, the bigger the feeling of fear. Thus having canned material, may help some guys, in that it becomes one less thing you have to “think about”, but it doesn’t seem to resolve the problem, becuase there’s no generic enough of an opener, other than maybe “hello” could make sense in all situations.

Worse, even if they’re following the 3 second rule with a canned opener, they could be rehearsing the fucking line ever since got into the place, walking around the bar or club looking for that “perfect” girl that isn’t too scary to try this on her. Even when they do find a semi-ok chick, they’ll hold back to see if she’s at the right part of the bar, or whether she’s with someone or not… none which is needed or helpful thinking, and all of it causing the same effect of building up anxiety.

So then finally the fuckin’ moment, and instead of delivering it from a calm, chill, semi-interested, semi-playful tone… it comes out like a burst of over the top energy. They put SO MUCH effort into it and it shows, like a glaring red flag of desperation…

Not cool, at all. What girl would be into that? Totally needy, even with the best of intentions.

Then it becomes a typical procession of these guys questioning what went wrong. Maybe they think they didn’t peacock enough, or maybe too much, or maybe they need more social proof, or search for a more perfect opener, maybe direct, maybe indirect… on and on.
They see successes in others they know, they don’t feel like they’re part of that, and they start to backwards rationalize… eventually leading to blaming friends, gurus and coaches, or the community as a whole for misleading them and call it all a farce in bitterness.

The biggest forums are littered with threads of former wanna-be’s doing this, it’s nothing new.

Guys, stop fuckin’ think so much, and just go out with the intention of talking to new people and having fun. You’re only question, taken from RSD’s Tim should be, how can I make this fun? That’s it. Go with that, the second you get an impulse to say something… say IT.